Bolting upright, a lump lodged in my throat, unable to make it go down or to bring it back up, I steady myself and deeply inhale. Why can't I make that scene from yesterday disappear? It was captured a week ago and uploaded. It is vivid. It is stark. It is unraveling in my mind. Even though I was not there in India, the stench is burning itself into my nostrils. The faces are covered by vibrantly colored cloth. They are "taking a break" from their job in the brothels.
Mocha and Coffee colored hands extend in worship. Delicate voices swirl into a cacophony of harmonic proclamation of God's goodness. Lord, "Why is it etched so deeply into my mind with indelible ink?"
Vaguely glancing at the clock, I find my feet moving toward the shower. Darkness is still encompassing the place on this planet that I am standing on. The chick-a-dees have not yet awoken to welcome the rest of earth's inhabitants. No one else is stirring in the neighborhood. In this moment, time has no reference, no hook on which to hang meaning. This captured moment in time has penetrated my core and shaken my soul.
Realizations explode like fireworks inside my head. Clean, pure, hot water flows over my bare, exposed body. My skin cleansed, but my soul untouched and still trying to reorient itself from this swirling visual vortex. Liquid hotter than the water from the showerhead is pouring from my heart through the slits of my eyes. Thoughts are slowly turning, like fresh cream into pure butter, to words....words that I must share.
These "prostitutes" were likely sold as young girls to the owners due to their parents inability to care for them. The parents sacrificed them to keep the rest of the family alive. Oh how each of their momma heart's must have broken as they watched their precious little girls leave for a life of sex slavery. What a horrible choice to have to make as a parent! A life of no return. My mind is suddenly aware that these girls have done nothing wrong. This is the only life they know. Trapped by lack of funds, societal status, and no training, they continue day in and day out, hopeless to become anything different. Yet, the photo that was on the screen, captures their pure passionate worship and love for Jesus (Sorry, I can't share it. It would put them at risk.). In my head there is an uncomfortable dissonance between what I, in my American mind think of as a "prostitute" and THIS reality for these Indian girls. This is their regular work day. They worship, pray and then return to servicing men for around $3 (USA) for 15 minutes. It is their "job". They would give anything for a different life, but there are no options for them.
Watching these girls/women worship, I am undone at their passionate pursuit of God. Their unconditional love for Him and their trust that God sees them, even though they are basically slaves, their hearts are free. It forces me to ask myself, "Why then do I, who am physically free, find it so hard to obey God?" My heart is completely splayed open as He whispers the truth. "You like safe and comfortable." This revelation hit me like being thrown into the Pacific Ocean on a frigid Winter day. I was simply stunned speechless. The truth is though that "safe" and "comfortable" are destroying my soul. They are my personal brothel. Matthew 10:28 tells me not to fear things that can destroy my body, but to run from the things that can destroy my soul. I need to run for my life from the comfortable, self-serving lifestyle which has lead to my complacency. It is this lifestyle that is constantly put in front of me which is holding me captive. Jesus has called us, as His followers to be many things, but living "Safe" is not necessarily one of them.
There is no easy answers to end this post with. So, I will say....stay tuned and let's see what God has in store as I say "Yes!"
Until We Chat Again,
The Plank-Eyed Girl
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