To Be Known

Rain is pelleting  the windows, like a jackhammer breaking up resistant concrete, it attempts to break into the building and bring wetness.  Thank goodness, I find myself safely inside of this solid structure. I am like a butterfly inside of its cocoon. I am warm, dry, and safe.  It is the first day back after a two week break.  The young ones have not yet arrived and the library is silent.  

As I gaze out at the currently vacant room, I am grateful that soon it will be buzzing with young ones anxious to return their holiday reading and discover some new reads.

There will be contagious giggles; long hugs, and silly stories to share.  Each young one wanting my individual attention. Each young one wanting to share a piece of their life with me from these last two weeks and know that I have heard and will remember.  Each young one wanting to know that I "know" who they are.

I have momentarily perched on my two seater, burnt orange bench. Taking in some deep breaths and slowly exhaling,   I see her arrive. She is the "Small Delicate One".  

Her hand is securely tucked inside her father's strong, sculpted right hand. He is leading her and she is gawking around like a chicken on a leash.  They make their delivery to the circulation counter and then turn to leave.  As she exits through the doorway, our eyes momentarily meet.  It has been two long weeks. She is being guided along at a pace that does not suit her. As she is just about out of sight, her tiny, gentle voice sings out, "I LOVE YOU!" Three simple words delivered with the sincerity of a heart that is happy, full, and known. These precious, freely given words swirled through the air, like wind blown leaves and came to rest inside my heart.  This scene has played over and over, each time bringing that same sense of joy.

It is 9:00 and this day is quickly slipping away.   However, I am still sitting here with those three simple words pirouetting in and through my heart. I don't want to forget this.  I worry that if I go to bed, I won't remember this simple lesson.  Today those three simple words brought much needed heart inflation and joy to me.  I am not her mother. I am not even related, but I am one of her teachers and she is "known" by me. 

Maybe, I am more like these "Young Ones" than I realize.  This Plank-Eyed Girls wants to be "known".  I long to be "known"because to be "known" is to be loved.  Maybe, I haven't fully realized that He intricately knows me and therefore, He unconditionally loves me.   When I burst forth with those same three simple words, "I LOVE YOU!" directed toward my Creator, His heart soars with the same joy that I am currently savoring.

Tonight may you realize that the Creator of the universe "knows" you.  

Until We Chat Again,
The Plank-Eyed Girl

Psalms 139:13-16

13You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body

and knit me together in my mother’s womb.

14Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!

Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.

15You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,

as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.

16You saw me before I was born.

Every day of my life was recorded in your book.

Every moment was laid out

before a single day had passed.

Ninety Six Hours

I pause momentarily and suck in the freshness of the moment.  Ninety six hours of sterileness, starkness, and strangers.  Ninety six hours of doubt and unknowing.  Ninety six hours wondering what our life will be like.  Ninety six hours of my beloved's life hanging by a few thick threads. These are the things that my last ninety six hours has held.  

Drinking in the warmth of the sun on this beautiful Fall day, I stand in a untamed heap of gently surrendered tree attire.  The peels of color slowly losing their vibrancy as they silently wither away.  Jack twists and swirls around my legs, making his way up my body until I silently shiver.  Usually I hate shivering, but today I embrace the gift of feeling alive.  In these moments, I am grateful for the gift of breath and the knowledge that my beloved will soon be re-joining me on this adventure called life.  

The realization that each breath is a gift and each day is intended to be lived to the fullest with my Creator quietly twirls through my head. My Creator is beckoning me to take His hand and dance with Him in the quietness of these moments.  To allow myself to be taken with the fragility of these moments I have experienced.  To understand that I am just passing through and each day is a gift from Him to be offered back to Him for His use.  To comprehend that nothing I have here has eternal value other than my relationship with Him.  His ever-probing eyes searching mine for acknow-ledgement of this lesson. 

I will to remember these moments. When I wake up tomorrow, I will replay these moments.  When I wake up in a week, I will replay these moments. When I wake up in ten years, I will replay these moments.  When I wake up on my last day on this planet, I will replay these moments. May the sweetness of these moments be etched solidly on my heart with indelible ink.  May this Plank-Eyed girl never forget that My Creator reached in to today and altered my path and gave me my Beloved back.

Until we Chat Again,
The Plank-Eyed Girl

Sojourner!

Stepping onto the jet off the volcanic heated tarmac, I could feel the rush of cold air hit my face.  As my feet slid over the thresh hold, I felt something rip from my chest.  In that instant, I knew something inside of me was bleeding.  Now, don't get me wrong, no one around me would've seen it, but I felt it deep inside of my being.  wkwardly I struggled with my backpack down the aisle.  I am not one of those graceful ones who manage to smoothly glide down the aisle and effortlessly pop their "storeables" into the overhead bin.  I am more like a pink polka-dotted elephant bumping and nudging my way to the seat; making apologies for my clumsiness as I go and desperately hoping not to drop anything on the innocent people who are seated on the aisle as I pass by.  Finding 23C, I proceeded to stuff all my earthly possessions (mostly electronics) under the seat in front of me.  Settling in, I closed my eyes.  Instantaneously, a pool of warm salty water collected in the corners of my eyes.  Fighting the ridiculousness of these wild emotions that seemed to be overtaking me, I became aware that there is a warm stream of liquid trickling down my cheeks.  Ugh!!!!  My mind was swirling and bouncing all over, "What in the world is going on!  This is completely ridiculous!  You are going home and will be back here in ten months.  You have two homes!"    As the plane raced down the runway, I was compelled to gaze out the tiny window.  I watched my Island Home disappear from view as we climbed to  the cruising altitude of 35,000 feet and headed north toward the mainland.  I was confused, very confused!   I was not sure why my heart was bleeding so profusely.   I should be delighted to be heading to my mainland home.  Silly me, I was trying to sooth my emotions by telling myself that in ten months I will be returning.  Nothing was working.  The tears seemed to be like a faucet that was stuck on.