Burnt Grilled Cheese, Fawns, and Five Smooth Stones

Tentatively, I stood and turned to face the group of five.  Like an awkward fawn, standing for the first time.  Not sure what was happening in my head and heart, I froze.  Realizing my saliva was absent from my mouth, I swallowed hard trying to activate the liquid glands.  Words were absent. My eyes laser-locked on theirs, searching for any sign to continue. My hands nervously clenched against my rib cage.  Stoically, words tumbling from my mouth.  

Painfully, moments lapsed into minutes as this "inspirational" message was delivered.  Truth be told, it was delivered more like a eulogy.

My delivery was worse than burnt grilled cheese on white bread. As this "rehearsal" came to a close, I quickly stuffed my array of papers into my hot pink messenger bag and bolted for the car. 

Zipping along the boulevard, with my heart peppering my mind, I feebly attempted to make sense of the last hour and a half.  What had happened?   This should've been a walk in the park.  I give "inspirational" messages as well as tell stories all day long.  I have a wonderful job doing this for a living. Why did I freeze?  WHAT was going on?  I felt (and I am sure looked) like I was back in seventh grade and this was the first time I had spoken to an audience.

Safely arriving home, I retreat to my bathroom. Dropping clothes onto the floor, I slide into a hot shower and allow the emotion of the train wreck to wash over me.  Moments slip into minutes that are lost.  The hot water expires so I relent and shut it off. All I want is the safety of my memory foam mattress and my childhood pink polk-a-dotted blanket to cocoon in. Thankfully, sleep is waiting for me.  

Morning arrives too soon.  Furrowing into the bedsheets, I refuse to welcome the day.  I hear Abba calling my name.  He whispers, "Go look at David and Goliath."  Ugh!  I KNOW the story of David and Goliath.  I commence to protest, but He is silent.  Evidently, this is a non-negotiable point this morning.  Reaching out of my cocoon, my hand recognizes my bible and I draw it under the covers. Opening it to First Samuel 17.  Dutifully, I read through it. Suddenly verses 38-40 leap off the page.  Awe MAN!  You would think that at 52, I would've learned this by now!   

King Saul tried to give David his own armor and weapons to fight Goliath.  I just tried to deliver an inspirational message according to someone else's formula.  I should know that this NEVER works! David proclaimed, "I can't go in these, I'm not used to them."  He tried on Saul's armor.  Why did I try to use a formula that I was not used to? Next, he strapped on Saul's sword, only to realize that this entire outfit was NOT going to work. Promptly, David took it off and proceeded to pick up the weapons that he was used to (smooth stones).

David did not allow even King Saul to persuade him differently. WOWZEE!!!!     It is in this moment that I realize in my human desire to "please" someone else, I failed miserably at what I have been gifted to do.  Gently my Father whisper, "I have prepared you for this. Trust me."  

YOU have been uniquely designed with gifts and talents that can impact the world.  May you embrace the uniqueness of these gifts and be true to the training He has provided for you.  You can trust His plan and His ways.  

Until We Chat Again,

The Plank-Eyed Girl