Metamorphosis

The layers wrap my body.  Necessary physical layers for the chilly place that I am currently residing.  I feel like a sheep that needs to be sheared.   I feel smothered.  I want to escape.  I want to pull off each layer and feel the warmth of the yellow orb on my skin. But, as I sit staring out the window, the realization that this is the start of the lengthy, wet season sinks in.  

Hum...on this flood-like day, so many questions are sashaying and twirling through my consciousness.  No answers....they are like a small army taking over new territory.  Relentless!  These questions are morphing into demands.  I can not seem to silence them.  Maybe it is time for a change of location?

My mind skitters all over the place and is desperately trying to re-frame this as a "season" to surrender to and relax in.  I should be comforted by the warmth that these layers bring.  Instead, I feel confined and stifled, like a mummy that isn't quite dead.

I have to wonder if this is how a caterpillar feels as it changes from one type of creature to another.  Does the caterpillar ever relax and let the change "just happen" or does it fight and struggle, feeling constrained and confined, resisting what is natural and will transform it into a delicate and stunning butterfly?

Maybe what I am feeling is not just related to the weather?  Could it be that I am starting the morphing process?    I am being drawn, like a firefly to the light and into a new, thrilling chapter of my life.  I have a feeling it will be VERY different from the life I have lived thus far.  Sitting here, I realize that each season which I have passed through has been a necessary stage of learning for this next chapter.  This is where my God-given passions collide with His plan and I get to watch lives changed.  I am goosebumpy thinking about it.  It scares me.  It excites me.  I could say, "no" but everything inside is screaming, "yes".  So, I will surrender to this metamorphosis.  I will put both of my hands into His and say, "I am yours to do with as you please."  

Stay tuned for a closer look as I journey through these next few months.  

Until we chat again,
The Plank-Eyed Girl

Ninety Six Hours

I pause momentarily and suck in the freshness of the moment.  Ninety six hours of sterileness, starkness, and strangers.  Ninety six hours of doubt and unknowing.  Ninety six hours wondering what our life will be like.  Ninety six hours of my beloved's life hanging by a few thick threads. These are the things that my last ninety six hours has held.  

Drinking in the warmth of the sun on this beautiful Fall day, I stand in a untamed heap of gently surrendered tree attire.  The peels of color slowly losing their vibrancy as they silently wither away.  Jack twists and swirls around my legs, making his way up my body until I silently shiver.  Usually I hate shivering, but today I embrace the gift of feeling alive.  In these moments, I am grateful for the gift of breath and the knowledge that my beloved will soon be re-joining me on this adventure called life.  

The realization that each breath is a gift and each day is intended to be lived to the fullest with my Creator quietly twirls through my head. My Creator is beckoning me to take His hand and dance with Him in the quietness of these moments.  To allow myself to be taken with the fragility of these moments I have experienced.  To understand that I am just passing through and each day is a gift from Him to be offered back to Him for His use.  To comprehend that nothing I have here has eternal value other than my relationship with Him.  His ever-probing eyes searching mine for acknow-ledgement of this lesson. 

I will to remember these moments. When I wake up tomorrow, I will replay these moments.  When I wake up in a week, I will replay these moments. When I wake up in ten years, I will replay these moments.  When I wake up on my last day on this planet, I will replay these moments. May the sweetness of these moments be etched solidly on my heart with indelible ink.  May this Plank-Eyed girl never forget that My Creator reached in to today and altered my path and gave me my Beloved back.

Until we Chat Again,
The Plank-Eyed Girl