1:25 pm Facial distortions were occurring as I zipped down the highway a titch above the speed limit. Topless and absorbing every ray of the sun syrup, I didn't want to arrive at my destination. Every since the "reminder" had arrived a few weeks back, I have been blocking these next few moments. The "reminder" had been delivered by parcel post in a simple, white legal envelope. From the moment I picked it up, I knew what it contained. My naughty side considered throwing it out and ignoring the "invitation to return". Deep down though, I knew it was pointless. The Mr. would find it and ask me about it. Ugh!
1:30 pm Discovering a lovely spot for the little black thing to rest, I allowed myself the gift of a sacred second to deeply inhale and truly feel these "pre" appointment moments. Every thing about these moments was being etched in my heart with indelible ink. The question flew through my mind, like a banner behind a plane, "Did I fully live these last six months?" Slowly a panic rose from the pit of my stomach. Trying to calm the fear that was attempting to hijack my mind, I went into robotic mode. My hand reached for the door; my legs found the asphalt and within moments, I found myself giving my name to the "Stoic, Female Keeper of the Schedule" behind the counter.
Quickly, I was whisked behind a heavy set of doors and told to disrobe. Seems like just yesterday I was here. Repeating every verse I know about fear, I pushed forward. Completely aware that nothing about these next few moments would surprise my Father, and even more aware that He was orchestrating my life, (Yes, even these moments) complete vulnerability swirled inside of my heart.
1:50 pm having had a certain part of my anatomy tugged, squished, and pulled on like a piece of pink taffy for the last twenty minutes, the nurse coldly stated, "Get dressed, the doctor wants to talk to you." Trying to find the humor in this moment, I look down and I am sure one side is at least six inches longer than the other. Lord, hopefully this is just my point of view and NOT reality. Chuckling, I emerge and follow the century to the office. She points to a chair. I assume that means that I am to sit. Like a well-trained dog, I perch on chair eagerly looking at her for some hint of the results.
2:00 pm news delivered, the door to the office closes and I am momentarily left alone to digest the news. Gratefulness falls from my eyes and I search for a tissue to catch it in. The nurse returns and asks what's wrong. I can't even find my voice. Six more months and maybe longer if the spots remain unchanged - a gift that was hoped for, but not promised.
Tonight I am more aware than ever that the one who thought me up and knows everything about me, has given me a six month stay and quite possibly more :) . May I continue to to be surrendered and focused on His purpose and plan instead of my own. May I choose to live with intention, grace, and His love as the anchors for each day that I am given.
Until we Chat Again,
The Plank-Eyed Girl
