My Personal Safe Brothel

Bolting upright, a lump lodged in my throat, unable to make it go down or to bring it back up, I steady myself and deeply inhale.  Why can't I make that scene from yesterday disappear?  It was captured a week ago and uploaded.  It is vivid.  It is stark.  It is unraveling in my mind.  Even though I was not there in India, the stench is burning itself into my nostrils.  The faces are covered by vibrantly colored cloth.   They are "taking a break" from their job in the brothels.

Mocha and Coffee colored hands extend in worship. Delicate voices swirl into a cacophony of harmonic proclamation of God's goodness.  Lord, "Why is it etched so deeply into my mind with indelible ink?"

Vaguely glancing at the clock, I find my feet moving toward the shower.  Darkness is still encompassing the place on this planet that I am standing on.  The chick-a-dees have not yet awoken to welcome the rest of earth's inhabitants. No one else is stirring in the neighborhood. In this moment, time has no reference, no hook on which to hang meaning.   This captured moment in time has penetrated my core and shaken my soul.  

Realizations explode like fireworks inside my head. Clean, pure, hot water flows over my bare, exposed body.   My skin cleansed, but my soul untouched and still trying to reorient itself from this swirling visual vortex.  Liquid hotter than the water from the showerhead is pouring from my heart through the slits of my eyes.  Thoughts are slowly turning, like fresh cream into pure butter, to words....words that I must share.  

These "prostitutes"  were likely sold as young girls to the owners due to their parents inability to care for them.  The parents sacrificed them to keep the rest of the family alive. Oh how each of their momma heart's must have broken as they watched their precious little girls leave for a life of sex slavery.  What a horrible choice to have to make as a parent!  A life of no return.  My mind is suddenly aware that these girls have done nothing wrong.  This is the only life they know.  Trapped by lack of funds, societal status, and no training, they continue day in and day out, hopeless to become anything different.  Yet, the photo that was on the screen, captures their pure passionate worship and love for Jesus (Sorry, I can't share it. It would put them at risk.).  In my head there is an uncomfortable dissonance between what I, in my American mind think of as a "prostitute" and THIS reality for these Indian girls. This is their regular work day.  They worship, pray and then return to servicing men for around $3 (USA) for 15 minutes. It is their "job".  They would give anything for a different life, but there are no options for them.

Watching these girls/women worship, I am undone at their passionate pursuit of God.  Their unconditional love for Him and their trust that God sees them, even though they are basically slaves, their hearts are free.  It forces me to ask myself, "Why then do I, who am physically free, find it so hard to obey God?" My heart is completely splayed open as He whispers the truth. "You like safe and comfortable." This revelation hit me like being thrown into the Pacific Ocean on a frigid Winter day.  I was simply stunned speechless.  The truth is though that "safe" and "comfortable" are destroying my soul.  They are my personal brothel.  Matthew 10:28 tells me not to fear things that can destroy my body, but to run from the things that can destroy my soul.  I need to run for my life from the comfortable, self-serving lifestyle which has lead to my complacency.  It is this lifestyle that is constantly put in front of me which is holding me captive. Jesus has called us, as His followers to be many things, but living "Safe" is not necessarily one of them.  

There is no easy answers to end this post with. So, I will say....stay tuned and let's see what God has in store as I say "Yes!"  

Until We Chat Again,
The Plank-Eyed Girl

Crazy Crossroads

Confusion swirled around me.  I could feel the suffocation slowly creeping up my throat.  It was an unfamiliar place.  I tried to re-frame this moment.  I tried to rationally think back to other crossroads I have stood at.  I tried to make sense of the choices in front of me.  I tried to clarify what life would look like on each of these different roads. 

I was paralyzed.  None of the choices seemed to make any sense.  None of the choices seemed to be better than the other.  Even the choice to do nothing but stand there was a choice.  I felt the Lord directing me, pulling me toward the least likely of the choices.  It seemed insane, but I could not deny the voice of the Lord.

Crossroads are crazy places.  When you glance each way, you really can only  see so far and then you have to trust.  Sometimes crossroads occur out of nowhere.  You are skipping along and BAM!  Truth be told, I always get slightly angry when this happens.  My thoughts usually run something like, "WHAT?  Who has the right to put one of these in my path?"  Honestly, someone is probably just trying to keep me safe, but I am short sighted and bent on my own ways.

I have to wonder what Noah was thinking when God told Him to build an ark.  This was a divinely placed crossroads in his life.  Was he confused?  He had to be thinking, "God, are you crazy? Rain...what is rain?  A what? For what?  Are you serious?  You want me to live in this boat with all these animal AND my family?"  Noah had clearly heard the Lord.  So regardless of his doubts and fears, he turned at this crossroads and obediently walked down the path God asked him to.  He built the ark and aren't we glad he did?  

This past summer I realized I was standing at a crossroads.  To be honest, it torqued me off.  I had been skipping along, having a marvelous time on the Big Island when....BAM!  There it was, directly in front of me.  An unexpected crossroads. He was asking me to send "MY" personal, extensive

collection of children's literature to the Sideras

International school in India.  I wish I could tell you that I just said, "Well Lord, of course."  But I would be lying.  I spent several days presenting my case to Him and finding lame excuses.  Finally, I rather meekly whispered, "Okay."  I didn't understand, but I did know that I had heard Him.  Upon my return home, I started packing up the books to send.  

Currently, I am still in the process of packaging and sending them.  It is expensive, even at book rate. Therefore, I am raising funds to get them there and into the hands of these precious Indian children. I am finding that this "choice" is costing me time and money.  It is also costing me a dream. I had always thought I would write and publish children's picture books.  Evidently, God has another plan and just like Noah, even though it makes no sense, I choose to walk in obedience.

Sometimes we have to let go of things that we think are important to who we are and what we do so that God can do something bigger.  Are you at a crossroads with Him whispering to you?  Follow His voice, you won't be sorry.

I am Journeying With You,
~The Plank-Eyed Girl

Swimming in a Fish Bowl

Weightlessness is always a delightful sensation.  There are only two places on this earth where I have experienced this feeling, in the ocean and in a flight tunnel.  Today I found myself thoroughly enjoying this adventure again in the warm waters off the coast of the Big Island.  There is nothing like wading into the warm bath water of the Pacific.  

As I floated in this part of God's amazing fishbowl, I got to experience an entirely different world.   My body was adorned with extensions. These apparatuses allowed me unnatural abilities to share some moments of this day with creatures that live in a world usually unavailable to me.  .  

As a vast variety of colorful creatures darted around me, I just couldn't help but thank my Father for this opportunity.  The beauty was stunning.  I was mesmerized by everything I saw.  I was unaware that I was slowly being lulled to a place of peace and complacency by the beauty and the rhythmic dance of the waves.  I was completely unaware of any danger.  

Any of you that have swam in an ocean know that there are real dangers at every turn, sharks, currents, sea urchins (these little boogers are beautiful and painful if touched or stepped on), coral, jagged lava, and many other things.  The worst possible thing you could do is be lulled to a place of complacency.  If you allow this to happen, you could literally lose your life.  

As I made my way back to shore and laid myself out on the warm deliciousful sand, it felt good to be back on familiar soil.  I started to doze off as I was conversing with my Father and complimenting Him on the fine job He did when He created the oceans. That is when it dawned on me, I am not only an alien in the underwater world, I am an alien on this entire planet. Just like there are unseen, but extremely real dangers that can take my physical life in the beautiful ocean, there are also daily dangers that can take my eternal life.  I am so easily lulled and sedated into a place of complacency by the things of this world. Things that are enticing and exciting for the moment.  Things that have no lasting value.  Things that have the potential to destroy my soul. Things that help the plank in my eye to become larger. Sometimes my self-deception is just down right deafening to my heart.  My ability to justify my actions (or lack of) and delay my obedience to my Father's requests is damaging to my own heart.  In fact, just this week, a speaker spoke on obedience when God asks for physical things that you own.  I, of course in my own self-deceived way, just thought, "Lord, you can have anything I've got.  There is nothing I would hold onto."  I am sure He was smiling and thinking, "Well, she doesn't know what I am about to ask her to give me."  A day later, as I was drying dishes and conversing with Mr. O, he was telling me about his school in India.  Out of my mouth pops, "Does it have a library?"  (I hate it when my mouth says things without consulting with my brain or my heart.)  Anyway, he looks at me, smirks and simply states, "Yes, but it is empty and locked."  Instantly,  my heart was split open and I heard the Lord whisper, "Give him some of your books."  As most of you know, I have connections with Global Book Club (we collect used children's books and ship to Third World countries, as well as put libraries in for them) and my first thought was, "Well, I can get some books from there and give them to Paul to take."  Instantly, I knew that this was not what the Lord had asked of me.  So.....I tried again, (Man, I am naughty) thinking that I would go purchase some from a used book place and give him those.  That didn't seem to settle in my heart either.  So, my mind raced on.  I thought well, I have a bunch of teacher friends I could ask to donate.  My heart was miserable.  These negotiations were futile.   Finally, I just surrendered and agreed to take some of "my" personal, beautiful picture books out of my studio and give them to Mr. O to take to these precious children and teachers at his school in India.  Once I surrendered in complete obedience, I realized that His ways are not of this earth.  I truly am an alien in a foreign land.  Lord, help this plank-eyed girl not be lulled to sleep in this foreign land.

Until we chat again,

The Plank-Eyed Girl