Total Awkwardness!

Total Awkwardness!

I am 51 years old.  By this time in life, I should be a little better at not saying or doing super awkward things.  However, I am beginning to think that this is just how I am made.  

So, here's the most recent episode.  Standing in Starbucks waiting for my order, my pastor walks toward me.  I smile.  He hugs me.  Let's just say that I a super short compared to him.   In fact, I am so short that I fit under his armpit.  I return the hug and out of my mouth pops, "Man, every time I hug you, I realize just how tall you really are!YOU are super tall!"(I wasn't exactly using my "quiet voice".)  He just walks away.  He doesn't say anything and I just want to shrink down to the size of an ant and crawl into a dark hole.  AWKWARD!  Panic started to overtake me when I realized that there was only one way out.  So, taking a deep breath, I quickly tried to hatch an escape plan.  The only thing I could come up with was, trying to exit as others were coming in.  Hum...that might have worked except that no one was coming and he was just sitting there at a table near the door, only semi-engaged with his phone. Finally I just decided to walk toward the doors and hope for the best.  Just about the time I got to the door, I glanced sideways and we both mumbled "bye".  Awkward!!!   Why do I say things that create these awkward kinds of situations?  You know, if I didn't speak to groups of human beings all day long, of multiple ages and places in life, this might be understandable and even excusable.  But the reality is that I talk for a living, so I should be having these moments.  I do not like making others feel awkward.

I slid into my little black car and let out a very heavy sigh.  At first I was embarrassed.  But, then as I was driving back to school, I just started giggling.  I am a mess!  Sometimes I am awkward and that is just the way it is.  Good thing my Creator loves me and celebrates my awkwardness.  I bet He even giggles now and then at me.  

Next time, I hopefully will say something not so awkward, but if my track record proves accurate, I will probably have many more of these moments before I change locations.  Hopefully, my pastor also saw the humor in the moment and knows that it is not him.  It is just one of the sheep being a sheep..  

If I am with you, and I have one of these moments, please know that it is okay.  I mean no harm and sometimes things are just Awkward and a good giggle could change everything for both of us..  

Until we Chat Again,

The Plank-Eyed Girl

Waltzing, Worn-Wood Docks, and Belly Laughter

Waltzing, Worn-Wood Docks, and Belly Laughter

Today this Plank-Eyed Girl has lots of time for her mind to skip back over these last couple of weeks.  Thoughts are bouncing all over the planet, like hard falling raindrops bouncing off the pavement during a Kona tropical rainstorm.  They are whizzing, swooping, and darting like a

hummingbird on steroids.  So, so, so much to share.

My fleshly propensity is to be swept away by all the difficulties that have peppered my days this last couple of weeks.  I force my mind to look for moments of hope to settle on, for I know that these are bigger than my heartaches, disappointments, or changing in my path.

As my mind starts to settle, I come to the distinct awareness that there have been so many moments of beauty and delight a midst the gut wrenching hardness of life these last couple of weeks.  These moments are like the fragrant hibiscus after a tropical storm.  They are fresh and hopeful.  Here are just a few of them:

• A unexpected afternoon waltz with a sweet third grade boy in the middle of the library under the soft white Christmas lights to a classical piece of music which he seemed to know and love
• An extremely ADHD sixth grade young man, with a very winning smile and twinkling eyes who bolted into the library and blurted out, "How do I sign up writing club?  I am a writer!" (I had barely just put the sign up in the hall.)
• Standing on the wood-worn dock in a quaint, little town on the bay and gazing upon the stunning reflection of people that I love
• White Christmas lights on a shared fence of 23 years, with precious neighbors
• Being wrapped in the arms of a husband 
• Smiles on the faces of precious children as they race into the library to get the "best seats"
• Tapping on my office door, and precious little eyes dancing with delight as I wink at them
• Clear liquid frozen into soft, white, delicate flakes that silently descend to the earth.
• Hand penned notes from both new and aged friends
• Special packages from far off lands sent with tender thoughts 
• Jolly, contagious belly laughter of a small child seated next to me

Life has a way of being messy and reality sometimes bites.  However, taking some moments to savor and celebrate these life-giving moments is essential for this Plank-Eyed Girl.  What do you have to savor?  I would love to hear.  Please just send me a bulleted list with the place you reside.  

 I love how even in the midst of darkness, my Father has provided these precious, life-giving moments.  

I look forward to hearing some of yours.

Until we Chat Again,

The Plank-Eyed Girl

Air Biscuits, Kindergartners, and Uncontrollable Giggles

They came skipping into the library.  Excited to be there.  I always anticipate their arrival.  But this morning was different, as they approached me one little guy wrapped his arms around me and with his big brown eyes looked up into mine and proclaimed, "I Love You!"  Next thing I knew, there was a spontaneous group hug with all twenty two of them. All order was gone.  Laughter was filling up the room and in all honesty, I didn't care. As things just started to settle down, one of them let out a loud "air biscuit" and uncontrollable giggles exploded through the crowd of five year olds and one fifty-one year old. Truly, the timing could not have been more perfect. Sometimes in life, you just need to let things unfold and savor the delightfulness of it.

Slowly, I came to consciousness this morning.  The rays of sun slipped in through the blinds and danced on my face.  What a precious welcome to this day! A stream of words began to weave themselves together as they floated through my head.  After all the events of yesterday, I found myself replaying this scene with my five year old friends over and over.  The laughter.  The innocence.  The abandonment.  The joy.  The spontaneity. What enjoyable, heart-filling moments!  

Continuing to lay, cocooned under my white down comforter, my thoughts seemed to slow down to a waltzing speed.  The waltzing tempo is just simply calmer and more satisfying to engage in.  I long for this tempo because it is sustainable and trackable.  In a waltz, I can feel the cadence of the my thoughts.  I can follow them from their origin. I can engage with them down different paths to a variety of conclusions.  The waltz makes it much easier to know what is truly going on in my head.  

As the sun continued penetrating the cold of the bedroom and sufficiently warmed my face, I became ultra aware that I was not dancing with these thoughts alone.  I was being observed by my maker.  He was watching, smiling, and listening.  I turned my face fully into the sun and whispered, "I Love You".  

May you take some moments to waltz with your maker today as you enjoy the gift of all this day will hold.

Until we Chat Again,
The Plank-Eyed Girl
  

   

*From Complacency to Appreciation

As I ended the call, there was a momentary realization of my own mortality.  However, a numbness quickly  proceeded to wash over my entire being.  Like a tsunami, there was a brief moment of realization, and then a wall of numbness that crashed into me, leaving me having to will myself not to just be washed away. Is this how all victims feel?   We all live  knowing that our life on this planet is fragile.  It is momentary at best.  It can be extinguished by any number of events in the blink of an eye that we have no control over. We do not get to choose the number of days we live. Yet, for years I have lived as if I had a  million more days.  Wow!  The audacity of me!  

It has only been three hours since receiving that call.  In honesty, I wanted to ignore it and pretend that it is NOT real.  Maybe the nurse called my number by accident?  Maybe the doctor read the wrong scans?  Maybe further testing will prove that it is nothing?  My mind is dancing like a dragonfly all over tarnation and my attempts to focus it even to pray seem futile. I have been on autopilot, even running some errands on my way home.  The only thing I clearly know is that, NONE of this has surprised or escaped God.  I will not be alone in this.  He will walk with me all the way.  He will surround me with His presence and orchestrate my journey.  Whatever this bumpy and twisted road ahead of me may look like, He's got it and I trust Him. 

As I finally drove home this afternoon, I paused to fully take in the stunning colors of the sun setting  on this crisp Fall day.  I ceased to be in a hurry.  The silhouettes of the Olympics framing the bay were gorgeous.  How could I have missed this and just not appreciated God's amazing artwork? The bite of the frigid air felt good.  No longer did I want to complain about it and wish to be back in my tropical home.  The tomato soup I stopped to eat held a scrumptious, tangy flavor that had  escaped me before.  All these normal things  suddenly had become things to treasure.    They spoke a comfort to my heart and certainly moved me from complacency to appreciation of the ordinary.  

Hum....I have rewritten this following paragraph a couple times.  When I started blogging, my goal was not just entertainment, but allowing others to walk with me and experience true authenticity.  So, with that being said, I realize not everyone is interested in this medical journey.  Therefore, please know that I will continue to write posts about a variety of things.  I will flag the posts that have to do with this  topic with an * so that if you would like to pass on it, you will have a heads up.  No worries, life is complicated and I want to honor where my friends are at.

Until we Chat Again,

The Plank-Eyed Girl

P.S. I will not have any definitive answers until Monday, the 16th.

Metamorphosis

The layers wrap my body.  Necessary physical layers for the chilly place that I am currently residing.  I feel like a sheep that needs to be sheared.   I feel smothered.  I want to escape.  I want to pull off each layer and feel the warmth of the yellow orb on my skin. But, as I sit staring out the window, the realization that this is the start of the lengthy, wet season sinks in.  

Hum...on this flood-like day, so many questions are sashaying and twirling through my consciousness.  No answers....they are like a small army taking over new territory.  Relentless!  These questions are morphing into demands.  I can not seem to silence them.  Maybe it is time for a change of location?

My mind skitters all over the place and is desperately trying to re-frame this as a "season" to surrender to and relax in.  I should be comforted by the warmth that these layers bring.  Instead, I feel confined and stifled, like a mummy that isn't quite dead.

I have to wonder if this is how a caterpillar feels as it changes from one type of creature to another.  Does the caterpillar ever relax and let the change "just happen" or does it fight and struggle, feeling constrained and confined, resisting what is natural and will transform it into a delicate and stunning butterfly?

Maybe what I am feeling is not just related to the weather?  Could it be that I am starting the morphing process?    I am being drawn, like a firefly to the light and into a new, thrilling chapter of my life.  I have a feeling it will be VERY different from the life I have lived thus far.  Sitting here, I realize that each season which I have passed through has been a necessary stage of learning for this next chapter.  This is where my God-given passions collide with His plan and I get to watch lives changed.  I am goosebumpy thinking about it.  It scares me.  It excites me.  I could say, "no" but everything inside is screaming, "yes".  So, I will surrender to this metamorphosis.  I will put both of my hands into His and say, "I am yours to do with as you please."  

Stay tuned for a closer look as I journey through these next few months.  

Until we chat again,
The Plank-Eyed Girl

Ninety Six Hours

I pause momentarily and suck in the freshness of the moment.  Ninety six hours of sterileness, starkness, and strangers.  Ninety six hours of doubt and unknowing.  Ninety six hours wondering what our life will be like.  Ninety six hours of my beloved's life hanging by a few thick threads. These are the things that my last ninety six hours has held.  

Drinking in the warmth of the sun on this beautiful Fall day, I stand in a untamed heap of gently surrendered tree attire.  The peels of color slowly losing their vibrancy as they silently wither away.  Jack twists and swirls around my legs, making his way up my body until I silently shiver.  Usually I hate shivering, but today I embrace the gift of feeling alive.  In these moments, I am grateful for the gift of breath and the knowledge that my beloved will soon be re-joining me on this adventure called life.  

The realization that each breath is a gift and each day is intended to be lived to the fullest with my Creator quietly twirls through my head. My Creator is beckoning me to take His hand and dance with Him in the quietness of these moments.  To allow myself to be taken with the fragility of these moments I have experienced.  To understand that I am just passing through and each day is a gift from Him to be offered back to Him for His use.  To comprehend that nothing I have here has eternal value other than my relationship with Him.  His ever-probing eyes searching mine for acknow-ledgement of this lesson. 

I will to remember these moments. When I wake up tomorrow, I will replay these moments.  When I wake up in a week, I will replay these moments. When I wake up in ten years, I will replay these moments.  When I wake up on my last day on this planet, I will replay these moments. May the sweetness of these moments be etched solidly on my heart with indelible ink.  May this Plank-Eyed girl never forget that My Creator reached in to today and altered my path and gave me my Beloved back.

Until we Chat Again,
The Plank-Eyed Girl

Medicinal Pole Dancing

It stands there with life-giving fluids attached to "it" and "it" attached to my beloved.  I am grateful for "it".  However last night, after several times of unplugging "it" from the wall and allowing my beloved to use the facility or take a walk, I realized that all his tubing was twisted and entangled around the pole.  This required  my beloved learning some "new" moves.  Thus, was born the "Medicinal Pole Dance".  I wish you could have seen it.  Talk about making you laugh until you are gasping for air.  Watching my beloved, in a hospital gown, trying to untangle himself was hilarious.  We were both undone with fits of laughter to the point that the nurse had to come by to make sure we were okay.

Evidently she thought that we had had enough fun, so she brought me the medical "bathing towelettes".  Now if you have never had the pleasure of using these, you are truly missing out. So, with this new exciting opportunity in front of me, I dove in with unnecessary fervor.  I proceeded to attempt to open the first packet (picture a rectangular, adult-proof package of baby wipes).  It took some maneuvering, but I eventually won and was able to retrieve what I believed was the "wipe".  As I took this blue, quite porous, warm sponge-like rectangle, I proceeded to wipe the first leg.  Well, let's just say that it did not go well.  My beloved started to complain about the roughness of it in a rather teasing manner. I just figured it was designed for a little  exfoliation of the skin before surgery.  So, as I was scrubbing away on his leg, the nurse looked in.  I wish you could've seen the look on her face. It was truly priceless.  She pointed out that I should look further in the package.  So, with a snarky sigh, I used my catlike glance to peek in.  Well,  what did I see, but a SOFT, pliable, warm, thick, wet wipe.  We started laughing so hard that once again, the nurse stuck her head in.  Yikes!  I am obviously NOT the person you want to tend to you when you are sick OR...maybe I am?

Tonight, I am grateful for the shared laughter. Tonight, as I journey home, alone into the foggy, dark night, the sound of his deep laughter will reside in my heart, I will carry it to our bedroom, where I will allow it to play on auto loop until fall asleep.  Tonight, I will thank my God for the gift of these indelible moments.

Yes, God is good ALL the time to this Plank-
Eyed girl.

Blessings!
~The Plank-Eyed Girl

Crazy Crossroads

Confusion swirled around me.  I could feel the suffocation slowly creeping up my throat.  It was an unfamiliar place.  I tried to re-frame this moment.  I tried to rationally think back to other crossroads I have stood at.  I tried to make sense of the choices in front of me.  I tried to clarify what life would look like on each of these different roads. 

I was paralyzed.  None of the choices seemed to make any sense.  None of the choices seemed to be better than the other.  Even the choice to do nothing but stand there was a choice.  I felt the Lord directing me, pulling me toward the least likely of the choices.  It seemed insane, but I could not deny the voice of the Lord.

Crossroads are crazy places.  When you glance each way, you really can only  see so far and then you have to trust.  Sometimes crossroads occur out of nowhere.  You are skipping along and BAM!  Truth be told, I always get slightly angry when this happens.  My thoughts usually run something like, "WHAT?  Who has the right to put one of these in my path?"  Honestly, someone is probably just trying to keep me safe, but I am short sighted and bent on my own ways.

I have to wonder what Noah was thinking when God told Him to build an ark.  This was a divinely placed crossroads in his life.  Was he confused?  He had to be thinking, "God, are you crazy? Rain...what is rain?  A what? For what?  Are you serious?  You want me to live in this boat with all these animal AND my family?"  Noah had clearly heard the Lord.  So regardless of his doubts and fears, he turned at this crossroads and obediently walked down the path God asked him to.  He built the ark and aren't we glad he did?  

This past summer I realized I was standing at a crossroads.  To be honest, it torqued me off.  I had been skipping along, having a marvelous time on the Big Island when....BAM!  There it was, directly in front of me.  An unexpected crossroads. He was asking me to send "MY" personal, extensive

collection of children's literature to the Sideras

International school in India.  I wish I could tell you that I just said, "Well Lord, of course."  But I would be lying.  I spent several days presenting my case to Him and finding lame excuses.  Finally, I rather meekly whispered, "Okay."  I didn't understand, but I did know that I had heard Him.  Upon my return home, I started packing up the books to send.  

Currently, I am still in the process of packaging and sending them.  It is expensive, even at book rate. Therefore, I am raising funds to get them there and into the hands of these precious Indian children. I am finding that this "choice" is costing me time and money.  It is also costing me a dream. I had always thought I would write and publish children's picture books.  Evidently, God has another plan and just like Noah, even though it makes no sense, I choose to walk in obedience.

Sometimes we have to let go of things that we think are important to who we are and what we do so that God can do something bigger.  Are you at a crossroads with Him whispering to you?  Follow His voice, you won't be sorry.

I am Journeying With You,
~The Plank-Eyed Girl

The Web of Scandalous Grace

Inhaling deeply and holding it inside my body, I realize that the air has changed.  I can feel it infiltrating every cell of my body.  It is not just cool, it is holding drops of liquid in it.  Moisture that this earth is thirsty for.  Moisture that my soul is longing for.  

My eyes can barely take in all the changes that have silently swept in while the blackness of night provided a covering.  The solid branches of the neighbor's ancient maple tree, relinquishing the magnificently colored leaves of it's cloak.  The sturdy towering sunflowers that now bend their heads and share their bounty with the creatures of the air.  The variegated, brightly

salmon, green pepper, and cauliflower colored pumpkins that now peek out from behind the foliage ready to give themselves for my pleasure.

Everything seems to be emptying itself for this new season.  My thoughts turn inward.  What might I release for others that would allow me to be changed?

The sun is peeking out from its eastern home.  It dances off the delicately woven structures that hang heavy with the morning dew.  

Their owners patiently wait for a gift of nourishment from the sky.  They are not particular.  The gift will be embraced and provide the  necessary nutrients to sustain life.  

It is in this moment, I realize that before me is one of the most amazing masterpieces I will ever have the gift of observing.  Hundreds of threads are interwoven to create a masterfully constructed residence.  Realizing that I am completely mesmerized by this and that many moments have slide by, it dawns on me that I live in a similar environment.   It is an invisible web of scandalous grace.  Each thread precisely placed by the giver of this generous grace.  Each point of overlap, a reinforcement of His mercy towards me.  Each anchor point, securely placed by His strong hands in the rough-hewn wood that He gave His life on.  May I never doubt that this Plank-Eyed Girl is securely held in the web of His scandalous grace.

As the night that has surrounded your soul is gently pulled back, what will you cradle in your soft hands to be offered back to your Creator for His purposes?  Will you let Him weave a web of His scandalous grace for you to live in? 

Here's my hand, let's walk together in His scandalous grace.  May you never walk alone.

~The Plank-Eyed Girl

Spotted Zebra and Barbies

Standing up on the bleachers, I watched as a group of junior high girls caught up with each other from the week.  They were passionately engaged in their conversation. What caught my attention was their alikeness!  They all had their hair alike. Their shirts were all the same style.  Their jeans all the same brand.  They couldn't have been more uniform if they had tried.  Not one of them stood out.  As I watched their interactions, I was saddened by their "alikeness". Certainly they didn't ALL like this style.  I was deeply disturbed to think of  the pressure to conform that most of us feel when we look at T.V. or go to the mall and are pummeled with the expectations of others for our dress, actions, or any other number of things.   Sometimes I feel like I live in a Barbie and Ken world, of which I severely do not fit.

As I sauntered away from this group of young girls, my thoughts drifted back to my first years of teaching.  I was "gifted" quite a few long "themed" jumpers.  Evidently, that was the dress of choice for teachers at the time.  The first morning I silently slide into one. I felt suffocated.  (Not physically, just in my heart.)I looked in the mirror and laughed out loud.  However, I was not sure of the protocol, so I wore it to school. This initiation into "school dress" only lasted about one month.  I was TOTALLY miserable.  Long "themed" jumpers weren't me. Never had been me.  Never would be me.  In hindsight, I can't believe I ever thought it was a good idea for me.  One morning I woke up and thought, I can't teach in these things.  This is not me!  Where are my jeans and red cowboy boots? Where are my wild leggings and funky skirts?  Where are my pearls?  Where are my shiny combat boots?

   

As today wore on, I found my mind prancing back

to the story that I had just finished in I Samuel 17. David, who was a young shepherd,  had volunteered to go fight Goliath.  Saul gave David his own armor to wear and sword to use.  This way, he would not only look like one of the men in Saul's army, but he would stand out because Saul's armor and sword were bronze.  I am sure that Saul wanted to protect David, as well as honor him.  David tried it on, but quickly realized that he was not used to this armor or Saul's sword.  So, he did the only thing he knew to do and took it off.  Donning his regular attire, he went and picked up five smooth stones.  Those were his weapons of choice.  Those were the weapons he had trained with.  Those were who he was and what he was used to.

Recently, I was asked to lead a conversation at a women's retreat. I have some own favorite speakers, that I really admire. So, when I became stuck in the writing process, I started listening to some of their messages. That was when I found myself trying to emulate them.  Suddenly,  I realized that I could listen all I wanted, but I needed to be true to who I was and how God created me.  In other words, I needed  to unite my story with His story and share it with this group of ladies in a way that was unique to me. This was a realization that relieved much of my internal pressure. 

Uniqueness Rocks!  I have been a spotted zebra all of my life.  I have never fit in a box.  My solutions to things that block my path are usually completely outside of how others would think.  I do not dress like others.  I have a funny way of looking at life.  I was uniquely created by the Creator of the Universe.  

May you find your own uniqueness today and enjoy all that is you!  May others also see God's fingerprints in you and celebrate how fabulous and generous God is to have taken the time to "think you up"!

Here's to you!  You are not alone!

~The Plank-Eyed Girl

FB Life Versus Authenticity

FB Life versus Authenticity

Frustration mounted.  My head started to pound. My stomach started to swirl.  I wanted to pick up the phone and back out of the commitment I had agreed to.  At the least, I desperately wanted to take the easy way out and speak to an easier topic.  I was coming up empty handed with how to address the topic I was asked to speak to.  

So....I did what any other person would do.  I opened my ipad and started perusing FB (Facebook).  Normally, I enjoy these peeks into others lives. I delight in being able to stay connected through words and photos. However, today I seemed to be ultra aware that all these lives seemed "perfect".  Pictures were of people having fun.  Everyone seemed to be smiling and enjoying life.  It made me a titch crazy.   

Closing my ipad and continuing my wrestling practice with the impending topic, I glanced at the clock.  Yikes!  Only 14 hours and I would need to have something solidified.  Once again, my mind started to run for the door.  As it was rapidly reviewing my "valid" excuse list, something whispered to my heart, "Don't run.  I will give you strength and words."  If I chose, relief could be only a phone call away.  Ugh!  Why did I believe I was strong enough emotionally to do this? Deciding not to make the call I dropped into bed.  

Throughout the night, I flopped like a fish.  Odd dreams coursed through my head.  As morning neared, panic was rising, like a ravenous dog chasing a meaty bone. It was slowly suffocating any hope that I had of saying anything intelligent.  Desperately, I called out to my Father asking for just a tidbit of direction for this assignment.  As the first light of morning peaked through the window, I finally gave up. Struggling to my feet, I got myself up.  Grabbing something comfortable, I dressed and headed out the door to my local coffee shop. Maybe a change of scenery would release something.

Retrieving my nourishment and liquid, I found a table in the corner.  Settling in, I heard my Father's ever gentle whisper.  Inhaling and exhaling, relief washed over my mind and I audibly giggled. Catching myself giggling only made me smirk more.  I am such a silly plank-eyed girl.  Of course, He would show up and deliver.  When will I learn this lesson?  He NEVER abandons me and He ALWAYS comes through.  

Perched on my chair and sipping my lovely beverage; I let my fingers fly over the keyboard and bring to life the words He was speaking to my heart.  Words to His precious daughters. Words of authenticity.  Words of  struggle.  Words of  hope. Words that will allow my fellow sojourners to realize that they are not alone and we are all traveling together.

What is the Lord asking you to do that you are hesitant to accept?  Growth begins at the end of our comfort zones.  Why not accept the offer of His help and step out, trusting that He will provide everything you need to accomplish what He is asking you to do.  

Here is my hand friend, take it and together we will walk.   

Until we Chat Again,
The Plank-Eyed Girl

If you would like to share what the Lord is asking you to do, please either leave me a message or e-mail me at:  theplankeyedgirl@gmail.com 

Toplessness and Little Sisters

Going topless is always my preferred mode for driving.  Ever since my Mr. brought my little black thing home, I have enjoyed the freedom of zipping along without a covering.  It is a small fix for my inexplicable need to fly.  As the wind courses and swirls around me, it increases my ability to breath and process life.

Monday evening had a hint of Fall coolness in the air, it was no different from any other evening other than my heart was feeling squished.  I decided to go topless, so I jumped in the Miata, revved up the pistons and headed out to another meeting.  As I sped along the nicely curvy, slightly changing, tree-lined road, my heart was asking my Father to show up tonight at this meeting.  (Okay, truth be told, I was more like loudly pleading and pounding on the steering wheel.  I was being selfish because He is always with me, but I just really wanted to have Him make himself evident.) 

Arriving at the meeting, I slid in, grabbed a water and engaged in the cultural chit chat.  The meeting commenced and throughout it, I wrestled with an extremely strong, internal dialogue which questioned why I was there and told me I had "nothing" to contribute. You know, sometimes you just have to put yourself on the wall and have a talk with yourself, which is what I was attempting, but it was not getting me anywhere.  Thankfully, during the meeting, no one called on me for any kind of coherent answer, due to the fact that I was having my own party in my head.  As the meeting concluded, I thanked the hostess and made my escape out the front door.  

Sauntering down the driveway, I had the company of one of my little sisters. (I baby sat her when I was a teenager and our parents are best friends still.)  Standing out on the road, we paused and she looked me in the eyes and said, "I don't know why I am feeling compelled to share this with you, but I am."  I conversed with her over the course of the next hourish.  She spoke of the last three weeks and miracle, after miracle, after miracle of our Father's provisions for their family.  She spoke of how her faith has increased and her ability to hear His voice. She told of her immense gratefulness for so many things she used to take for granted.  She explained how her heart had been permanently changed.  Her stories made my heart dance and my eyes leak.  Her stories re-inflated this soul.  

Thank you, my precious little sister, for allowing me to hear and see God working right here and inside of you and your family.  

Sometimes one needs to go topless to re-inflate, other times, one just needs a sister to stand under the stars with and recount how God is working. 

Until we Chat Again,

The Plank-Eyed Girl

Sojourner!

Stepping onto the jet off the volcanic heated tarmac, I could feel the rush of cold air hit my face.  As my feet slid over the thresh hold, I felt something rip from my chest.  In that instant, I knew something inside of me was bleeding.  Now, don't get me wrong, no one around me would've seen it, but I felt it deep inside of my being.  wkwardly I struggled with my backpack down the aisle.  I am not one of those graceful ones who manage to smoothly glide down the aisle and effortlessly pop their "storeables" into the overhead bin.  I am more like a pink polka-dotted elephant bumping and nudging my way to the seat; making apologies for my clumsiness as I go and desperately hoping not to drop anything on the innocent people who are seated on the aisle as I pass by.  Finding 23C, I proceeded to stuff all my earthly possessions (mostly electronics) under the seat in front of me.  Settling in, I closed my eyes.  Instantaneously, a pool of warm salty water collected in the corners of my eyes.  Fighting the ridiculousness of these wild emotions that seemed to be overtaking me, I became aware that there is a warm stream of liquid trickling down my cheeks.  Ugh!!!!  My mind was swirling and bouncing all over, "What in the world is going on!  This is completely ridiculous!  You are going home and will be back here in ten months.  You have two homes!"    As the plane raced down the runway, I was compelled to gaze out the tiny window.  I watched my Island Home disappear from view as we climbed to  the cruising altitude of 35,000 feet and headed north toward the mainland.  I was confused, very confused!   I was not sure why my heart was bleeding so profusely.   I should be delighted to be heading to my mainland home.  Silly me, I was trying to sooth my emotions by telling myself that in ten months I will be returning.  Nothing was working.  The tears seemed to be like a faucet that was stuck on.

Florescent Orange, Papaya Yellow, and Spots

Excitement coursed through every fiber of my body as I realized I was waking up in my own bed. I had not slept in my bed for over 50 nights.  Plus, today I was to get my hair cut and re-spotted.  

Bounding from my bed, my feet sunk into the sweet succulent cream carpet.  It caused me to pause slightly and really take in my new reality.  I was not on an island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, instead I was in Washington and EVERYTHING was different.  Wow! 

Continuing to my closet, I was completely taken with how many clothes I had to choose from.  (I have lived with only a few clothing options for the summer and was totally fine with it.)  Standing there, I felt like a queen!  So many fun and colorful types of clothes and shoes.  Truth be told, I almost put on my hot pink combat boots with my shorts today, but decided that it might be a little much for our small, northwest community. Anyway, I slid into the same denim shorts I had spent most of the summer in; grabbed a shirt from the closet;  found my flip flops; and was on my way.

The feel of sliding into the drivers seat of my little black thing and starting the ignition after not driving for the summer is extremely exhilarating for my being!  I couldn't help but grin as I zipped down the boulevard; around the bay and into the sleepy town of Silverdale.  

Arriving at the salon, I settled into the stylist's chair and celebrated the odd comfort of the familiarity. My "short" hair was long for me and I could hardly wait to have it re-spotted and buzzed.  The stylist proceeded to pull my dried out, wiry hair through the cap and apply the bleach.  The process seemed to be going along normally.  She moved me to the dryer and heated it up.  As I sat there, I lost track of time.  My eyes were heavy.  Sleep wrapped itself around me and I welcomed it.  Being in that sleep like state, I was only vaguely aware of the stylist, checking my locks several times.  I was oddly in a mild state of euphoria.   

Not aware of how much time had passed or how many times she had checked my head, I found myself suddenly in the focal point of a flurry of activity in which the entire salon was involved. Evidently, 45 minutes had gone by and my hair was, well...shall we say....having difficulty accepting the bleach.  In fact, it had turned florescent orange.  On my first glimpse of it,I started laughing hysterically.  You see, I don't think it would be that bad to go back to school with florescent orange hair.  The kids would LOVE it and it would just confirm to the staff that I truly was a spotted-zebra.  

The stylist was now rapidly applying a variety of products to my hair. Additionally, all of her "salon buddies" were trying to give her advice.  It was quite comical.  Just a side note, she had done my hair for over ten years and is an amazing stylist. Anyway, she finally got it toned down to a papaya yellow.  Completely perplexed, she kept saying, "I did EVERYTHING like I always do.  I don't know what is wrong."   

As I was sitting there watching all the drama and pondering the situation, I dawned on me that yesterday morning, while still on the Big Island, I didn't have any shampoo, so I used the antibacterial liquid hand soap.  Now, you need to know that I am a very low maintenance plank-eyed  girl. It didn't even cross my mind that I should mention this to her BEFORE she started my hair appointment.  Meekly, I barely whispered, "Do you think that antibacterial liquid hand soap could cause this?"   Instantly, a stillness overtook the room. Every eye seemed to turn at once toward me.  Suddenly, I couldn't contain my giggles and I just exploded in laughter.  I couldn't believe how serious everyone was.  I proclaimed, "Oh my, it is ONLY hair!"  Laughter erupted and as a wave of relief washed over that salon.  

Thank goodness for google.  After searching several sites, a solution was produced and my hair adventure was finished up.  She cut it nice a short, shaved the back so that my spots showed and breathed a sigh of relief.  

Several times this afternoon, as I have snickered and pondered this epic hair episode.  I have thought about how I, as a daughter of the creator of the Universe, am covered with a protective layer of His warm and fabulous love.    It was a free gift to me on the day I handed over my sins and He placed them on Jesus.  It is a coating that no man can remove.  The best part is that nothing can stick to it. It is transparent, just like the "stuff" in the antibacterial liquid hand soap, but it changes EVERYTHING!  My hair was changed by the coating of something in the antibacterial soap.  My heart was changed by the gift of God's love.  An amazing, completely undeserved gift for this plank-eyed girl who doesn't deserve a magnificent gift such as this.

Careful what you wash in today, it could change everything.

Until we chat again,
The Plank-Eyed Girl

Sideways Glances, Moray Eels, and a Wanna-Be Mermaid

Silently I slid through the water,  weightless and wide-eyed.  Just a plastic tube allowing me to survive in this underwater world.  Warm tepid water surrounding my body.  My eyes taking in the absolutely majestic scenery below me.  I LOVE this feeling. Sometimes I think I should've been born a mermaid.  Okay, I know that they don't really exists, but just humor this plank-eyed girl.

Have you ever felt like there is sound everywhere but you are not able to hear anything?  Sliding through the deliciously warm Pacific Ocean with my ears underwater, I was aware that all these creatures were communicating in ways that I could not hear (for the most part) or even understand.  I have heard recordings of Killer whales calling to each other so there was some previous knowledge rolling around in my head.  

I was mesmerized by all the stunning colors and living creatures zipping around below me.  For some reason, whenever I am in the water like this, I pretty much only look down.  I had been in this down-ward gazing mode for probably a good 25 minutes when I suddenly became aware that something rather large was right next to me.  I quickly grabbed a side-way glance and realized that within a few inches of my head, there was a rather large turtle swimming next to me.  As I turned my head, our eyes locked.  It did not seem to be surprised or scared of me.  I was the one who was surprised.  We swam together for about four minutes.  I was entranced by the strength and grace of this creature.  Questions peppered my head like bullets hitting a target during target practice.  Where had it come from?  How did it sneak up on me?  Did it choose to come so close because it was curious?  Wow!  I was thankful and grateful for this encounter.  As this magnificent creature pulled away, I knew that I had been given a gift.  

Only a few moments lapsed when suddenly I was taken by a beautiful, five foot, red with white polka-dotted, snake-like creature.  I followed above this amazing creature as it made it's way gracefully along the bottom of the sea floor.   I am not sure just how much time had gone by when I realized that I was probably not being smart or safe. (Turns out, it was a spotted moray eel.  Oopsy!)  These stunning moments will certainly be forever etched in my heart with indelible ink.  

Four days have come and gone since those  magical moments in the Pacific.  Often times I am so focused on what I am doing in my day-to-day journey on this planet that I am unaware that my Creator is right next to me and is waiting for me to turn my head to see His face.  

May you turn your head and see your maker adoring you, His marvelous creation!

Until we chat again,
The Plank-Eyed Girl

Facial Management (or lack of)

Strolling down Ali'i Drive one Sunday during a street fair, there were tons of people to watch. My eyeballs seemed to be darting from person to person taking in all the colors, sights, and sounds. Street fairs are horribly distracting places for us who are easily distracted.  Anyway, I was giggling to myself as I took in all these fun and colorful individuals.  It was pure and simple amusement.   I often think God giggles when He sits and watches us.  

That was when it happened.  An extremely pale; approximately 60 year old; distinguished looking gentleman rolled by.  On any "normal" business workday in the states, I am sure he would've not have stood out in a crowd.  However, as my eyes took it all in, I literally felt an explosive belly laugh episode starting deep inside me. As it was exploding upward through my body, I started to panic because I was totally aware that this was inappropriate, but I am pretty sure God was smiling too.  For those of you that have never been to Hawaii, let me share a little secret with you.  The Hawaiian Islands are stunningly beautiful, but they seem to bring out characteristics in us "mainlanders" that wouldn't normally come out.  Enough said about that. Anyway, this distinguished gentleman was sporting a high-waisted Speedo, with white socks and roller skates.  He obviously, at some point in his younger years had been a good skater. His skin had not seen the sun in a few decades and those days of a toned body had escaped him and settled around his mid section.  The topper was, he had ear buds in and was singing to a song as he rolled down through the crowds thoroughly enjoying himself.  I did notice he had a wedding ring on, but the Mrs's was no where to be seen.  All I could think was, "Oh my!  How did he get out of the hotel room?  Surely his wife does not know he escaped."  Suddenly I heard myself producing a stifled giggle.  This is the type of giggle that as one tries  desperately to control it, it explodes.  

Okay, truth be told, I was not the only one having difficulty with facial management.  Please understand, this was not a giggle of judgement, it was a giggle of admiration.  You see, I too, am a "spotted zebra."  I don't want to be like anyone else and I severely dislike it when people copy me.  This was just a "spotted zebra" of an entirely different tribe.

"Facial Management"  What a funny term.  In fact, just saying is makes me smirk.  Maybe I smirk because I am not equipped with this skill, no matter how much I try or practice.  You know, some people have an amazing ability to "manage" their face.  They are actually quite gifted in this area. Unfortunately, I am not one of these people. I have even tried practicing in the bathroom mirror.

I don't really try to watch people, but truly people are fascinating to me.  People's actions usually stand out to my kinistic awareness.  Sometimes it is their voices or what people are saying grab my auditory attention.  Mostly though, to be honest, it is their appearance that leaps to my eyeballs and holds my visual acuity.  I LOVE variety.  I think God delights in variety.  He purposely made us, His prized creation, in His image.  His image is stamped on each one of us.  We are as varied as the grains of sand on the beaches of this world.  We are made to be unique, by the Master Creator of the Universe.   Today, let's celebrate and enjoy our differences.

Until we chat again,
The Plank-Eyed Girl

Swimming in a Fish Bowl

Weightlessness is always a delightful sensation.  There are only two places on this earth where I have experienced this feeling, in the ocean and in a flight tunnel.  Today I found myself thoroughly enjoying this adventure again in the warm waters off the coast of the Big Island.  There is nothing like wading into the warm bath water of the Pacific.  

As I floated in this part of God's amazing fishbowl, I got to experience an entirely different world.   My body was adorned with extensions. These apparatuses allowed me unnatural abilities to share some moments of this day with creatures that live in a world usually unavailable to me.  .  

As a vast variety of colorful creatures darted around me, I just couldn't help but thank my Father for this opportunity.  The beauty was stunning.  I was mesmerized by everything I saw.  I was unaware that I was slowly being lulled to a place of peace and complacency by the beauty and the rhythmic dance of the waves.  I was completely unaware of any danger.  

Any of you that have swam in an ocean know that there are real dangers at every turn, sharks, currents, sea urchins (these little boogers are beautiful and painful if touched or stepped on), coral, jagged lava, and many other things.  The worst possible thing you could do is be lulled to a place of complacency.  If you allow this to happen, you could literally lose your life.  

As I made my way back to shore and laid myself out on the warm deliciousful sand, it felt good to be back on familiar soil.  I started to doze off as I was conversing with my Father and complimenting Him on the fine job He did when He created the oceans. That is when it dawned on me, I am not only an alien in the underwater world, I am an alien on this entire planet. Just like there are unseen, but extremely real dangers that can take my physical life in the beautiful ocean, there are also daily dangers that can take my eternal life.  I am so easily lulled and sedated into a place of complacency by the things of this world. Things that are enticing and exciting for the moment.  Things that have no lasting value.  Things that have the potential to destroy my soul. Things that help the plank in my eye to become larger. Sometimes my self-deception is just down right deafening to my heart.  My ability to justify my actions (or lack of) and delay my obedience to my Father's requests is damaging to my own heart.  In fact, just this week, a speaker spoke on obedience when God asks for physical things that you own.  I, of course in my own self-deceived way, just thought, "Lord, you can have anything I've got.  There is nothing I would hold onto."  I am sure He was smiling and thinking, "Well, she doesn't know what I am about to ask her to give me."  A day later, as I was drying dishes and conversing with Mr. O, he was telling me about his school in India.  Out of my mouth pops, "Does it have a library?"  (I hate it when my mouth says things without consulting with my brain or my heart.)  Anyway, he looks at me, smirks and simply states, "Yes, but it is empty and locked."  Instantly,  my heart was split open and I heard the Lord whisper, "Give him some of your books."  As most of you know, I have connections with Global Book Club (we collect used children's books and ship to Third World countries, as well as put libraries in for them) and my first thought was, "Well, I can get some books from there and give them to Paul to take."  Instantly, I knew that this was not what the Lord had asked of me.  So.....I tried again, (Man, I am naughty) thinking that I would go purchase some from a used book place and give him those.  That didn't seem to settle in my heart either.  So, my mind raced on.  I thought well, I have a bunch of teacher friends I could ask to donate.  My heart was miserable.  These negotiations were futile.   Finally, I just surrendered and agreed to take some of "my" personal, beautiful picture books out of my studio and give them to Mr. O to take to these precious children and teachers at his school in India.  Once I surrendered in complete obedience, I realized that His ways are not of this earth.  I truly am an alien in a foreign land.  Lord, help this plank-eyed girl not be lulled to sleep in this foreign land.

Until we chat again,

The Plank-Eyed Girl

Gastropods, Thorns and Slime Trails

Have you ever just stopped and watched a gastropod?  Truth be told, I have been fascinated with these unusually strange creatures for a long time.  When I change locations, probably some of the first questions that I am sure will leave my lips will be, "Why did you make these odd creatures? Were these just the products of a bad day of creating?"  Okay, I know that there are far more important questions to ask, but if you knew me, this type of question would not surprise you.  

Recently, I was on an early morning walk to retrieve my morning iced tea at a favorite local establishment and I came upon several of these gastropods.  The first one was chewing (yes, I said "chewing") a type of thorn from a local Hawaiian bush.  I felt my feet come to a screeching halt. Slowly I crouched down and pulled my phone from my back pocket.  Taking careful aim to capture the moment, I poised the phone; selected the camera app and proceeded to take a photo of this. (Sorry it is blurry.)  I have never seen a slug eat.  For that matter, I had never really thought about a slug having a mouth or even being able to chew.  I was captivated by what I was observing.  This thorn was hard, and long, but at the end was a tiny tiny red bud of a flower.  This slug was slowly, methodically, bit by bit, eating the shaft of this bud. I watched for about 15 minutes.  It was extremely slow going.  The gastroropod did not give up.  It also didn't seem bothered by the length of time this was taking.  It just ate it, one micro-nibble at a time.  On my return journey, once again I paused to watch this creature.  It had reached the bud and was consuming the most delicious part.  It had persevered eating the nasty, hard part until it got to the "scrumptious treat" at the end.  Oh man, I was so happy for this little guy.  I was cheering him on. Strange, I know.  However, as I walked away, I realized my Father was using this silly creature to illustrate how He delights in watching me, and you, learn and grow through difficult things.  He truly watches; cheers for; and celebrates when we persevere through trials.  He does this,  knowing that these difficulties are tests that develop our ability to persevere.  This characteristic of perseverance then helps us become mature in our faith.  

During this ice tea journey, I paused to observe a second slug. This one was leaving a rather sticky trail of slime. My first thought was "Ugh! What a nasty thing.  God has some sense of humor.  Glad I am not a slug."  True to His nature, the Lord quietly reminded me, "He is leaving a trail so that he can find his way home.  It is a scent trail."  I literally stood there dumbfounded for a full 60 seconds.  How odd.  Then it hit me, "I am to be like a slug.  I am to leave a trail of my Father's sweet aroma as I journey through this world being His hands and feet; sharing His heart with this wounded world, so that others can follow me and meet the lover of my soul."

I don't know about you, but I am thankful for the gifts and lessons my Father whispers as I bounce through my days.

What things are you learning today from your journey?  I would love to hear about them.

Until we chat again,
The Plank-Eyed Girl

Earth-Pod Girl

24 hours has never seemed like a long time to me, but yesterday it was.  Yesterday, I was cranky, discouraged, and frustrated.  Really not a good combination for anyone.  Honestly, I didn't really have any reason to feel this way.  I was telling myself to snap out of it.  I was explaining to my head that I had the gift of life, shelter, food, clothing, etc., but my heart was just not listening to my head.  I hate that when it happens.  It was just a storm in my heart that seemed to be raging.  I am glad that most of the time I don't deal with this kind of thing.  

I managed to get myself to work.  I even managed to get myself to worship.  (Where I am currently working on the Big Island, we have a fabulous all campus worship time on Monday morning.)  As worship drew to a close, I was completely unaware of the delightful surprise that awaited me in the next few moments.  As worship was nearing the end, I slide my feet into cushy flip-flops and proceeded to saunter back towards the kitchen.  That is when I encountered her again.  Earth-Pod Girl.  I had met her on Saturday.  In fact, we had even sat in a volcanic formed tide pool for over an hour and she spoke of her past; her passions; her heartbreak; and her desire for more of God.  I was enthralled with this amazing girl's story.  She was smart, plucky, fun, and wounded.  You see, we share a passion for using the world's trash in reusable ways to help the poor.  In particular, she wants to use recycled trash to build "earth-pod"  structures for the poor of the world to live in.  As we had parted our ways on Saturday, I wondered if I would have an opportunity to chat with her again.  Little did I know what God had in store.  

On this morning, as I departed the Ohana Court, Earth-Pod girl planted herself in front of me.  With a silly grin on her face and a floppy straw hat on her head, she said, "I want to encourage you this morning.  Can I pray for you?"  I just looked at her and heard myself say, "Sure."  Sometimes I am amazed at myself and just how detached I am.  Anyway, she started praying.  Well...really she was proclaiming what she was seeing in her heart and what the Lord was whispering to her ears.  She spoke in fragments, pausing as if listening for the next bit of words.  Each fragment she spoke pierced my heart and deflated the discouragement that had implanted itself and taken over.  Her words chased the crankiness out of the chambers where it had lodged and taken root.  Mostly though, her words took the pieces of my frustration and seemed to rearrange them in a way that let me get a glimpse of where the Lord and I are journeying.  

Thank you Earth-Pod girl for helping this Plank-Eyed Girl.

Enjoy the gift of today.  You never know when God will place someone in front of you.

Until we chat again,

Plank-Eyed Girl